Should women keep quiet?

The old tradition seems to dictate that when men are talking, the women should keep quiet!! It is like an unwritten rule that suggests that women do not have an opinion and if they do, it does not really matter!

I once dated a man who was very uncomfortable every time I opened my mouth while out on a social gathering. He would get so agitated that he would change the subject much to the surprise of his peers who always wondered why he interrupted my contributions. See, I have been working on my social skills from the time I realised that social networking and human capital are fundamental pillars to the advancement of my career. With time, I have mastered the art of small talk which offers a cushion in situations where you have to interact with strangers at a cocktail or build rapport with a potential client.

I have somewhat succeeded at my attempt to be sociable, although sometimes, when I realize that I will be using up a lot of my energy, I avoid social gatherings all together-and that is especially after my body has sent me the “I’m not up for small talk” signal.

But it wasn’t always like this. Being an introvert, I’m more energized by the comfort that comes with solitude and being around familiar faces and situations. I however came to the realization that this was not going to get me anywhere. I have had to work my way through it by sponging on subjects of general conversation, using my analysis to draw my opinions, having a few basic facts at my finger tips and identifying at least one subject that I can authoritatively speak about etc.

I have seen results in this particular area of my life: in fact a friend of mine almost accused me of having an overbearing outlook that would intimidate men. He worried if I would ever find a man who would put up with my over expressive character! Do men have an issue with a woman expressing herself? Does it make them feel less of men? It seems to me that a number of Ugandan ladies have resigned themselves to this notion; that’s why we are still waiting for Sharon O to graduate from her monosyllabic speech!

“Has gone to be with the Lord.” Why then I’m I so sad?

On Saturday night, I got to learn of the death of Paul Kim. My heart sunk as numerous thoughts rushed through my head about the pending (now very apparent) situation of their soon to be born child.

A few months ago, we stood with Paul and his beautiful and very visibly pregnant wife Olivia outside church as is the custom at Worship Harvest, to have a chat over a drink. We talked about work and the arrival of their bundle of Joy. Olivia said she would be due in May and Paul showed a lot of enthusiasm about their soon to be received gift. I could see the joy in his eyes! We said farewell, sat in our cars and drove away.

As I sat on my bed, thinking through the situation, I logged on to Facebook and saw friends expressing their grief. The reality is that “Paul has gone to be with the Lord.” But Why I’m I so sad?
When we hear of friends moving from one place to another, we are usually filled with excitement about the new possibilities that could be in store for them. Why then are we so mortified when friends leave us to be with the Lord?

It is because we love them and wish we could have them around forever. Friends are God’s channel through which He extends His love. They believe in us, support us, and give us a chance to grow. Olivia's loss is a unique one: we all know how important it is for a child to grow up with its father. Now that Paul is gone, we wonder who will tell Kisha about the wonderful person he was!!

Too many questions, few or no answers at all but the glaring reality for me is;
1. That we have one life. It’s short, It’s fun and worth every breath. One day, we shall also be gone but hopefully we don’t “die” before our time.

2. That God takes care of all of us and none of us can account for the blessings in their life. Health protection, wisdom, favour.... These blessings are intangible, only bestowed upon us by God, on which we can’t put a price. So you don’t have to work for everything you own.

3. That life presents its own challenges which are beyond our control. Therefore, the one thing we have control over, is the way we treat each other. Let’s quit hurting each other and instead focus on making life better for everyone. It’s possible!!

4. All this useless competition and the struggle to gain wealth at the expense of others is not worth it. Human beings are the world’s greatest resource and a vital component to experiencing life.

5. That there is enough (money, fame, husbands, wives, cars etc) for all of us. That money comes as a blessing to put us in a position to bless others. That when we die, we leave EVERYTHING behind. So why steal what belongs to another person? Why take so much and leave nothing for the others? Why beat up the woman you love?

6. That pain is real but time heals even the most broken of hearts.
The biggest joy in my heart today, is the realization that I love you my friends so dearly that If any of you were to leave without knowing how very special you are to me, I would be broken forever.
To all of you my friends, at home and around the world, I want to say that I LOVE YOU, I treasure your friendship and I’m so blessed to have you in my life. If I have not seen you or talked to you in a long time, I just want to say that all it takes is a reconnection. RIP Paul Kim.