If motherhood is a crown, let it not bring me shame ….

Life promises me a crown;It is the crown of Motherhood. I was chosen by God to propagate life. It is no wonder that Monie Love’s Born 2 B.R.E.E.D 90’s hit single still rocks the airwaves today! Motherhood is a gift!

But before I’m a mother, I’m a little girl. I want to be an air hostess. I want to revel in the beauty of nature and relish the fascination of men. I hope to run for public office one day…may be! I know I will eventually mature into a full grown woman and meet this man who will bestow upon me the title of wife. Then the time for the crown will come; please don’t cut my life short.

The film “A walk to Beautiful”, is a restoration of dignity. In a little village in Ethiopia, many young girls are married off as early as 8 years of age. With marriage,comes the responsibility of bearing of children which their undeveloped pelvic bones cannot endure. This coupled with the long distance to the health centers, puts these young girls in danger of unassisted labor. Some girls are in labor for as many as 7 days. They usually lose their babies as a result. In addition to the loss, the girls have to live with an almost permanent condition called obstetric FISTULA. The film hinges its story on a woman’s worth in society. How every woman struggles to embrace those qualities that preserve their dignity.

Fistula is a condition brought about by unassisted childbirth and affects women in rural parts of the world. A Fistula is a hole between the Vagina and rectum or the vagina and bladder caused by the unborn child pressing very tight on the birth canal, cutting off the flow of blood to the surrounding tissues and causing them to rapture. Women who have Fistula have a constant leakage of urine and or faeces.

If you think a broken relationship is the worst rejection you ever had to endure, speak to a woman with Fistula. Many of us cannot put up with bad body odor, smelly feet or bad breath. In fact, we have labeled some people in our environments as the smelly ones. We wonder why they can’t have a bath or use deodorant!!! I’m reminded of my very early days in boarding school, where my mother lectured me about intimate hygiene. She was concerned that there were no cotton panties for young girls in the 80’s.The most affordable brand was “Tiagiri”,which she didn't like,because it was made from polyester and therefore harbored unpleasant smells. She insisted on tailoring my panties out of cotton material with elastic bands for a close fit.That woman!!!! She would tailor quite a number to make up for "newstock" every time she came to visit. Those have got to be the ugliest panties I have ever worn!!! According to her, intimate hygiene, even for a young girl would have serious effects on how well she was accepted in society; and for her, not be the mother with a smelly child!!

I can imagine the life of a young girl with Fistula. The constant leakage of urine from her body produces a pungent smell that will soon have her ostracized by her family. She will not be able to look after her children or enjoy the fruits of the marital bed.

In Uganda, over 200,000 women live with the Fistula condition. A surgical procedure can correct Fistula by having the holes closed. The women have to stay in hospital for 14 days to allow for the healing to happen before they are sent back home to their families.




The dignity of every woman is affirmed by her ability to give life and nurture the ones she loves. Every day around the world, a woman wakes up with renewed energy to carry an extra pot of water, to gather her little ones and feed them, to show compassion to those who are hurting and to the one person who bestows upon her title of wife, she seeks to please. This is the essence of a woman! Let us preserve this dignity by increasing funding and awareness for Fistula. In that way, we shall wear the crown of Motherhood with pride.

My 50 shades of 2012

Oh how I wish I could borrow a few words of E.L. James’ publications of the 50 shades trilogy, as a title for my account of 2012. The challenge is that I have to struggle to detach myself from the eroticism that forms the story line of this collection; a global controversy on the explicit depiction of BDSM that will continue even in 2013.

The attractive coining of “50 shades” presents various opportunities for one to write about just anything. So while my profession requires that I keep abreast with local and international trends, my outlook of 2012 confirms to me that we may be scattered around the globe but what brings us together is a collective appreciation of those aspects that resonate with our social settings: our belief in God, cultural disciplines, the value of friends, loved ones and family, the love of nature, music, fashion and lifestyle.

My spotlight award for 2012 goes to the Mayans for pulling off the world’s biggest prank about the World ending on 21st December and PSY for promoting Korean lavish style in his popular single Gagman style which now has over one billion views on You Tube. My golden spotlight award will go to Steven Kiprotich for winning Gold at the 2012 London Olympics.

This brings me back to the place I call home; the land where I earn my bread. My destiny may not be tied to this land but my birthright is. However, the events that have played out over the last 12 months stretch my mind to imaginable levels of discomfort!! I cannot comprehend why a land so naturally gifted by nature, has to be defiled by its inhabitants: the people supposed to protect it. A famous writer once said, "It is hard to imagine a more stupid or dangerous way of making decisions than by putting those decisions in the hands of people who pay no price of being wrong." I will brand Uganda as the protest capital of the region; it doesn’t matter if we have been referred to as a top tourist destination for 2012. Uganda now has regional influence (EAC,COMESA & ICGLR) of over 23 countries with a population of over 540million people and yet the events that have played out over the last 12 months have brewed a cocktail that’s nothing diplomatic. It’s even sadder that the close of 2012 threw us a Molotov cocktail!!!

Back to all things musical, the song that brought me to my knees was Israel Houghton’s hit, “Jesus at the Centre of it all. Followed by “We are young” and “Diamonds in the sky” by Fun and Rihanna respectively. I choose to celebrate Whitney Houston by listening to “One Moment in time”. May her Soul Rest in Peace. I’m still convinced that Tyler Perry is such a looker but I’m so attracted to Javier Bardem’s edginess in Sky Fall.

My most DEHUMANISING act of 2012 will be when URA forcefully deducted funds from my bank account. Uganda Revenue Authority has a policy that all taxes should be filed and paid by every 15th of the month. If you run a business in this town, you will know that sometimes payments do not come in on time. URA called me to inform me of this pending liability. I informed them that the payments had not come through and as soon as they did, I would pay the tax. Three days later, I was served with a Third party agency notice that the tax was deducted from the account. It is then that I was reminded that in life, the two things that are certain are death and taxes.

Nature has been my greatest companion this year. Not only does it remind me of God’s greatness, it is the one thing I return to calm my soul. In one of his many quotes, Nelson Mandela says,” There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find ways in which you yourself have altered.” I’m grateful for all the breathtaking sunsets and moments spent at Cassia lodge watching the lights come out over Kampala. I got an upgrade recently while on a cruise to Kyaggwe. Who ever imagined that an island in Mukono would hold such dear memories for me?

I have generally had a good year. I have laughed, I have cried. I have endured long periods of stress but I discovered that humans too have an auto mode. I have smiled at babies, said farewell to dear ones, exchanged hugs and had insomnia that forced me off my bed for 3 months. I have been robbed from but I have also been gifted. I changed my hairstyle!!! I have put on weight and added an extra bra size. Then I got stressed because I had outgrown my wardrobe. I still have not learnt how to swim!!! I have read more, watched a little more TV ,think Frank Walusimbi is such a good newscaster and Nicholas Opio a great analyst.

Most importantly, I have been loved in a more unusual way. Love opened my heart and birthed something new. I sailed to California and camped there.... because life is a journey and YOLO. Happy 2013.

I want to be young again...

I want to be young again, but the world needs to stop for a minute. "Be Still!" I say to all the voices inside my head. I need to be touched with the true hands of love, and looked upon with eyes of caution. The seasons of life have worked on my spirit; filled it with pleasure and eroded it with pain all at the same time. What you have left is a spirit once free but now mature enough to produce a smile in the storm...but.... but... I wish there were no storms!! I wish I could dance in the rain with no worry about a fall. I wish I was immune to the words and actions of my surroundings. But my heart sucks it all in.. it is all happening to me! Why is it happening to me? And yet when it is all over, I look back upon the hill I just ascended, how far and dark the valley lies below, I shudder to look back at the trail I just left behind. Here at the mountain top where I stand, with all the freshness of a new season, I'm glad I'm alive to tell a story to those who care to listen, that I would never have made it with out HIM. My wish to be young again, is not that i can escape the seasons of life... which would then mean, I would never blossom. But I want to blossom, I want to shine, I want to make a dent on this universe. I want to LOVE with every fibre of my body... but I still want to be young again..if only to dance in the rain with no worry about a fall.

Forgiveness

This was written on Saturday,22nd October 2011 at 8:41pm. This was after someone very close to me made a very careless statement.I avoided them for these 8 months and you can not imagine but a heart full of pain can breed. I loathed everything about them, Couldn't look them in the eye and this went on for another 20 months. I must say time heels all things. I have since recovered from this painful season. 8 months ago, someone made a random statement. Yes "random" because he well, he just opened his mouth and made a casual statement. The power of words! Recently I have been going over Steve Jobbs quotes and being enriched by the the life they propagate! This and other books have been on my menu for reviving my soul. What that random statement did to me was profound! There has not been enough" secret shifters" to redirect my energy and get me back on course! I was hurt! Being hurt is a sign that there's something in you that requires attention! When you get hurt it means that you have a tender spot you have been resisting the need to address. Along comes some unsuspecting soul, doing what they do and they stick their finger on the tender spot. It makes you angry that you did not see it coming! This creates a sense of vulnerability! The vulnerability that comes from the over powering effect of wat the person has done. To be vulnerable is to accept that you stand defenseless and that you will protected! So you start on a journey to forgiveness knowing that you are standing in the power of your authentic self. It allows you to be innocent so that you can be strong.. that no matter what happens u will heal. To forgive is not to allow or say its okay.It is facing your biggest pain and disarming it.Saying in your mind that it is well with my soul. Now I feel the pain start to leave my soul and happy that it leaves behind a cleaner shelf with no skeletons. May the healing begin...

Bantu Princess

What would we do without mobile telephony and the indulgences that come with it? I hear MTN makes a killing from the late night sms’ hence the introduction of the “late chat” product profile. I love smsing!! And when I meet someone who loves working the keypad as much as I do, I indulge mercilessly!! Don’t you just love the imagination that comes from the constant exchange of words?
You are never certain of the next response but when the phone signals or buzzes,(You are in a meeting and have put the phone on silent so you can still engage in your little act of pleasure) you wait with anticipation to decode the message.
Such is one very pleasurable indulgence of mine lately, not to mention my best companion who beautifully crafted the name Bantu princess. You see, my friend comes from West Africa and he is Yoruba. Yorubas have a rich heritage and a strong cultural background. My Friend Yoruba says that Yorubas are the elite group in Nigeria. They live a sophisticated life, have at least two degrees, have lived and studied in London, speak pidgin and are very intelligent. At the end of this rhetoric,I’m bored and giving my friend the signal to stop blowing the his trumpet because the Bantu, just like the Yoruba, though not very educated and elitist share the same uniqueness-Power!!
I love the sound of Bantu Princess!! Wouldn’t you? It screams royalty, supremacy and control. Don’t we all wish we came from some famous family, went to some famous school and are treated like princesses? So you can imagine two egotistic souls, dubbing the mob keys trying to pronounce whose dominance extends further and what Yorubas are and Bantu not!
It’s then that Yoruba blubbers, Uhh Bantu Princess, you have the name but it’s copyrighted. You can’t use it at your will.
In protest, I set up this blog and like the Baganda say, Yoruba can go and hang on a tomato tree!!

Should women keep quiet?

The old tradition seems to dictate that when men are talking, the women should keep quiet!! It is like an unwritten rule that suggests that women do not have an opinion and if they do, it does not really matter!

I once dated a man who was very uncomfortable every time I opened my mouth while out on a social gathering. He would get so agitated that he would change the subject much to the surprise of his peers who always wondered why he interrupted my contributions. See, I have been working on my social skills from the time I realised that social networking and human capital are fundamental pillars to the advancement of my career. With time, I have mastered the art of small talk which offers a cushion in situations where you have to interact with strangers at a cocktail or build rapport with a potential client.

I have somewhat succeeded at my attempt to be sociable, although sometimes, when I realize that I will be using up a lot of my energy, I avoid social gatherings all together-and that is especially after my body has sent me the “I’m not up for small talk” signal.

But it wasn’t always like this. Being an introvert, I’m more energized by the comfort that comes with solitude and being around familiar faces and situations. I however came to the realization that this was not going to get me anywhere. I have had to work my way through it by sponging on subjects of general conversation, using my analysis to draw my opinions, having a few basic facts at my finger tips and identifying at least one subject that I can authoritatively speak about etc.

I have seen results in this particular area of my life: in fact a friend of mine almost accused me of having an overbearing outlook that would intimidate men. He worried if I would ever find a man who would put up with my over expressive character! Do men have an issue with a woman expressing herself? Does it make them feel less of men? It seems to me that a number of Ugandan ladies have resigned themselves to this notion; that’s why we are still waiting for Sharon O to graduate from her monosyllabic speech!

“Has gone to be with the Lord.” Why then I’m I so sad?

On Saturday night, I got to learn of the death of Paul Kim. My heart sunk as numerous thoughts rushed through my head about the pending (now very apparent) situation of their soon to be born child.

A few months ago, we stood with Paul and his beautiful and very visibly pregnant wife Olivia outside church as is the custom at Worship Harvest, to have a chat over a drink. We talked about work and the arrival of their bundle of Joy. Olivia said she would be due in May and Paul showed a lot of enthusiasm about their soon to be received gift. I could see the joy in his eyes! We said farewell, sat in our cars and drove away.

As I sat on my bed, thinking through the situation, I logged on to Facebook and saw friends expressing their grief. The reality is that “Paul has gone to be with the Lord.” But Why I’m I so sad?
When we hear of friends moving from one place to another, we are usually filled with excitement about the new possibilities that could be in store for them. Why then are we so mortified when friends leave us to be with the Lord?

It is because we love them and wish we could have them around forever. Friends are God’s channel through which He extends His love. They believe in us, support us, and give us a chance to grow. Olivia's loss is a unique one: we all know how important it is for a child to grow up with its father. Now that Paul is gone, we wonder who will tell Kisha about the wonderful person he was!!

Too many questions, few or no answers at all but the glaring reality for me is;
1. That we have one life. It’s short, It’s fun and worth every breath. One day, we shall also be gone but hopefully we don’t “die” before our time.

2. That God takes care of all of us and none of us can account for the blessings in their life. Health protection, wisdom, favour.... These blessings are intangible, only bestowed upon us by God, on which we can’t put a price. So you don’t have to work for everything you own.

3. That life presents its own challenges which are beyond our control. Therefore, the one thing we have control over, is the way we treat each other. Let’s quit hurting each other and instead focus on making life better for everyone. It’s possible!!

4. All this useless competition and the struggle to gain wealth at the expense of others is not worth it. Human beings are the world’s greatest resource and a vital component to experiencing life.

5. That there is enough (money, fame, husbands, wives, cars etc) for all of us. That money comes as a blessing to put us in a position to bless others. That when we die, we leave EVERYTHING behind. So why steal what belongs to another person? Why take so much and leave nothing for the others? Why beat up the woman you love?

6. That pain is real but time heals even the most broken of hearts.
The biggest joy in my heart today, is the realization that I love you my friends so dearly that If any of you were to leave without knowing how very special you are to me, I would be broken forever.
To all of you my friends, at home and around the world, I want to say that I LOVE YOU, I treasure your friendship and I’m so blessed to have you in my life. If I have not seen you or talked to you in a long time, I just want to say that all it takes is a reconnection. RIP Paul Kim.